The Three Wise Men

One cold November night on a training pitch in deepest darkest Kent...

Nigel Donn: Welcome back boss... Nice holiday?
Bill Williams: Great thanks, Nigel. Caught up with some old friends, went on safari, did some game hunting.
Ray Burgess: See any decent players then boss?

BW: So what the **** has been going on here then?
ND: Language boss. Someone might overhear you.
RB: Er well... we... er... lost... er... 0-2 at home to Chelmsford.
BW: That makes three defeats at home in a row.
ND: Trouble is boss that Jonah and Powelly don�t jump high enough when the ball comes forward. And we missed a penalty at 0-2 down when, if we had scored, we might have nicked a point.
BW: Virgo missed another one?
RB: No boss, Deano missed it.
BW: Deano - what the **** was he doing on the pitch?
ND: Don�t fret boss - he was only a late sub.

ND: We did manage to win at Tonbridge in the League Cup. Well, draw actually and win in extra time.
RB: Yeah I thought we�d turned the corner after that one.
ND: Another penalty boss and Virgs put it away, then Deano got the winner in extra time.
BW: Deano... you actually played him?
RB: No boss he came off the bench as per usual.

BW: So we stopped the rot before the crucial Trophy game. So what happened at Windsor?
RB: Lovely day boss - you�d never know that they had that big fire a while back. Safari Park was closed though.
ND: I think he means the football Ray.
RB: Ah right. Well Honey was back after over two months out but Farley had the 'flu.
ND: We went 0-2 down boss but rescued it second half and could have won it in the end.
BW: 0-2 down . Jesus Christ, they�re ******* Ryman Division 1. What are you two clowns playing at?
ND: (sobbing) Please mind your language boss. We changed the system second half and played a flat back four.
BW: Well done lads... A bit of initiative. Whose idea was that?
RB: Er... I think it was... er... Kevin Seabury�s boss. If it hadn�t been for a good equaliser from Deano then it would have been curtains.
BW: Deano... Deano... Deano... Can�t you talk about anyone else?
ND: Well that was two in two for him boss, and from the bench as well.

BW: So you got them back to PVR. What happened?
ND: We decided to change systems and go with a flat back four.
BW: And were 0-2 down in ten minutes. Who were the centre backs then?
RB: Farley and Honey boss.
BW: Ah right. A bloke who has played ninety minutes in two months and the other one barely recovered from the 'flu.
ND: We went 0-3 down but Raph pulled one back on half time.
BW: I take it you gave them all what for at half time and made some changes.
RB: Er... well... er... not exactly boss.
ND: Yeah but we did get it back to 3-3 within ten minutes of the restart through Hoggy and Raph.
BW: And...
RB: They scored straight away with a free header from a corner which is unusual for us.
ND: We missed the influence of Ray in the middle.
RB: Ah thanks Nige, that�s really kind of you.
BW: So you get back to all square and chuck it away again. ******* hell.
ND: (weeping uncontrollably) Boss! Boss! Please watch the language. I think we should get a swear box at the ground.
BW: **** off Nigel. At least Raph got a couple, I suppose. That makes him top scorer and although he still misses some, there is definitely some potential to work with there.
ND: Slight problem there boss... we�ve just sold him to Woking.

BW: So did you make changes for the Tiverton game then?
ND: Sure did boss but we managed to keep Deano on the bench. Also got a defender in on loan from Farnborough called Tim O�Shea.
RB: Yeah and the lads told me that he has a brother called Rick who�s supposed to be a bit tasty so I might take a look at him.
ND: Hoggy got a nasty whack at the end of the first half so we had to put Deano on earlier than expected. Went 1-0 up early second half and sat back to soak up the pressure.
BW: And...
RB: Well, boss, they scored three in the last half hour.
BW: So lads, correct me if I�m wrong. We�ve now lost the last four league games and scored precisely two goals. We�ve also lost the last four games at PVR and conceded 13 goals in the process and we�re out of the Trophy.
ND: That�s about the size of it boss.

BW moves away to the side of the training pitch and gets out his mobile phone.

BW: Hello luv it�s me. Don�t unpack those cases just yet... ...

White Socks